are you being a good friend to yourself? Guest Post by Christine Arylo via Mini Van Dreams

Are You Being a Good Friend… To Yourself – Guest Post

Today is Madly in Love with Me Day!  Last year, you might have participated in my Madly in Love with Me party!  If you didn’t, go check it out!  It’s not too late to learn how to love yourself again!  There’s all kinds of information available on the party page, including worksheets, videos, and activities!  

Honestly, I cannot even remember which branch of the self-love tree I promised to work on.  It was a bad year with Don’s cancer and everything else.  So, this year, I am starting anew.  The self-love tree branch I am going to commit myself to is Self-Esteem.  I am rededicating myself to this self-love journey.  I hope you will join me!

Today, in honor of Madly in Love with Me Day, I have Christine Arylo sharing a guest post on being a good friend to yourself.  And, make sure you join us tomorrow in celebration of Madly In Love With Me Day!  Enjoy!


Are You Being a Good Friend… To Yourself?  

3 questions and daring acts for making sure you receive the love you need, from yourself 

by Christine Arylo

Be kind to others. Show up and be supportive. Be there unconditionally and without judgment when your friends are having a hard time. Tell your friend the truth, even when it’s hard. Remember to celebrate you friends. Cheerlead for them, inspire them to go for their dreams. Respect you friends, honor them, appreciate them, be compassionate – in other words love them.

These are the rules of being a good friend. And while you may not be perfect at always showing up as a good friend for others, you know how to love others well. And when you do show up as a good friend, you feel good about yourself. Proud. Like you are doing a good thing, being a good person. Because you believe that giving love to others is a good thing.

But take that love and friendship and apply it to yourself and something different happens. Suddenly you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, selfish for choosing yourself first, and shy about tooting your own horn. Giving love to yourself in the forms you need it most – compassion, appreciation, nurturing, pleasure, etc. – feels wrong, weird and uncomfortable. In situations where you’d have no problem telling a friend to take a break, stop working, leave a relationship, or go for her dreams, you just cannot seem to give yourself permission to do what you really need. Until now.

be your own best friendThis February, I invite you to take a stand for the most important relationship in your life – the one with yourself – by saying YES! to becoming a really good friend – maybe even a best friend – to yourself, and start making sure you receive love you need, no matter what. There’s nothing selfish about that. For the better friend you are to yourself, the more you fill yourself up with love, the more you will be able to give to others.

You will be both a giver and receiver of love!



3 Simple but Mighty Self-Love Practices for Being Your Own B.F.F. 

One of the biggest reasons we fail to be good friends to ourselves is because we don’t know how to give ourselves permission to take the actions we know would be best for us.

Ask yourself these simple questions on a regular basis, or whenever you feel overwhelmed, lonely or out of sorts. Be honest. And if the answer to the question is “No” take the self-love prescription and Daring Act of Love listed below to get yourself the love you need in the form you need it most. These Daring Acts of Love were taken from the self-love guidebook, Madly in Love with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend.

Am I happy?

If the answer is no, you are likely starving for joy. You need self-pleasure. Take this Daring Act of Love: Make a JOY Portrait.

Take a piece of paper and write “JOY” in the middle of it. Then fill up the entire sheet of paper with all the things that make you happy – big and small.

Challenge yourself to fill the entire page. Then choose three of these joy generators and turn then into “acts of joy” – actions you can take to create joy for yourself. Enjoy them within 24 hours, no matter what you have going on.

Am I taking care of myself, as well as everything and everyone else?

If the answer is no, your energy tank is likely depleted. You need self-care. Take this Daring Act of Love: Ask yourself what you need and then give it yourself, pronto.

Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, just like a best friend would, “What do I need right now to take care of me?”

Then be quiet and see what your Inner Wisdom says. Whatever guidance you receive, do that one thing, no matter what. Even if you don’t think you have the time, follow through on giving yourself what you need.

Am I willing to disappoint another in order to not disappoint myself?

If the answer to this is no, you are putting others needs in front of your own, to the determinant to yourself. You need self-honor.

Take this Daring Act of Love: Love-line a friend, and ask them to give you permission to do what’s best for you. Explain the situation, what you really want to do, and ask them to just tell you, “You have totally have permission to…”

If you are really stubborn and still can’t take the self-loving action, ask your friend to tell you why it’s okay to give yourself permission to disappoint another not to disappoint yourself. And then repeat back what they say. Often, when we can’t be a good friend to ourselves, we need to elicit the help of others who can be a good friend. This is how we learn to be better friends to ourselves.


Imagine what your life would be like from this day forward if in the moments when your inner critic wanted to tear you down, in the times you got scared to go for your dreams, or in the instances when you felt exhausted and needed a rest, you were able to wrap your arms around yourself, and give yourself permission to do exactly what you needed – without guilt, fear or judgment. This is what is possible when you make the choice to love yourself unconditionally and as a result choose to show up as a best friend, no matter what. A daring adventure indeed, but the only way really to live – in love, with yourself.


Double Love Dare:  Take a Self-Love Promise this February 13th, on the international day of self-love.

 madly in love with meEvery year in February, in honor of the international day of self-love on February 13th, people from around the world gather to make a “self-love promise” with themselves for the year that keeps them anchored to their commitment to having the best relationship of their lives, with themselves.

 People throw parties in their homes, attend Madly in Love with ME events or have their own private party for one to identify which one of the ten branches of self-love most needs their love in the coming year. They then take a promise related to that branch that serves as an anchor to keep that promise all year long.


What is a Self Love Promise?

A self love promise is a sacred contract between you and you, made from love. It acts as a binding agreement that compels you to choose loving actions for yourself, no matter what. When life gets hard, and loving yourself seems like a million miles away, the vow you make to yourself will pull you through to the other side, to love. Self-love promise empower you to choose the path of love even when fear, shame or obligation demands that you choose it instead.

 Last year people in 31 countries threw self-love events and took self-love promises, such as:

Self-trust: “I promise to always trust ME (on the deepest level in my heart) totally and completely.”

Self-expression: “I promise to value myself and my self-expression no matter what!”

Self-pleasure: “I promise to make sure I am having fun in my life, no matter how busy I am or how much work there is to do.”


To get a free copy of the self-love promise kit, including an introduction to the 10 branches of self-love and a self-love meditation to help you choose your branch, go to

To join others on February 13th, attend the biggest LOVE party of the year and make 2014 a year you give yourself permission to get what you need, stay true to yourself, and go for your heart and soul’s desires…No Matter What!  

madly in love with me celebration 



About Christine Arylo & Madly in Love with ME, the book + the self-love movement

Madly in Love With me BookA world recognized expert on self-love, Christine Arylo is the best-selling author of Choosing ME before WE, and Madly in Love with ME. She is also the creator of The 40-Day Self Love Practices, as well as the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, which has helped over 22,000 women transform their inner critics into inner superheroines.

Arylo created the international self-love movement with a mission to make self-love a tangible reality for people everywhere, and with a vision to create a world in which every child born, is born connected to love and stays connected to love, starting of course with the child inside of each of us.

Visit her at or

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